Let's Discuss Within My Walls

A review + roundtable about Leah Gebber's new release

Within My Walls by Leah Gebber has hit the shelves, and for the next two weeks, we're diving in. This week, we’ve got an extended review that tries to get its hands around a book far too rich to describe in a few measly paragraphs. Then we're shaking things up with a brand new format: a bookclub-style roundtable discussion about Within My Walls. You’re invited to eavesdrop on the lively conversation I had with friends about our thoughts on the book - and then go and have your own :)

“Tzfat is the city of air, and it is the place where they go when they can no longer breathe.” 

It’s 1535, and the lines between ancient history and 2024 are blurring. Deeply resonant relationships and emotions cross the boundaries of time, holding up a mirror to our own lives. After forty years of wandering, history finally slows down for a weary post-Inquisition generation. But when they can finally plant roots, the trauma and memories of impossible choices make their mark. In a world that’s betrayed them, can any place be called home?  

“You are the ruler of the little kingdom that is your life.”

All roads lead to Istanbul, and Bilhah finds protection in the Imperial Palace of Hurrem Sultan, a gilded prison of women and intrigue. Trusting neither man nor miracle, she’s firmly planted in the danger around her. But when her newfound safety closes in, Bilhah flees to Jerusalem to help build the wall that she fears. Rushing headlong into the terror that sent her away from home, she’s forced to summon the courage within her and consider where that courage comes from.

“How else is it possible to encounter the memories that seep, unwanted, into your mind?”

Leonora is a fiery and powerful woman unlike any you’ve met in history, pulling strings around the world to protect her people. After years of building, she’s ready to implement her life’s vision and reshape the holy city of Tzfat to prepare for Mashiach. But beneath the powerful demeanor is a young girl desperate for the redemption that will allow her burdened soul to rest. 

“Hope is dangerous. But despair is worse.”

Eliyahu is chasing memories, and finds them within the silence of an isolated cave he calls home. Reluctantly returning to a city swept up with change, he’s thrust into a frontline view of Leonora’s motivations. With duplicity and betrayal rising around him, Eliyahu finds refuge in the spirituality that brings cleansing to a filthy world of the soil.

Each character on their own journey, the narratives refract against each other, exploding into ideas that will leave you thinking for a while. Leonora’s web of plans draft the Ottoman Empire’s vast resources to work for the wall. And when the wall and its conspiracies finally bring them together - Leonora, Eliyahu, and Bilhah - the fresh destruction makes room for sunlight between the cracks.

When first reading Within My Walls as a Family First serial in 2022, I was accompanied by the distinct feeling of missing half the story, catching the gripping storyline and broken characters but missing the nuance hidden below the surface for the discerning reader. Returning to the story feels like setting fuzzy memories into a new, sharp picture, an evocative plot into the foreshadowing, slow unraveling, and multidimensionality that make Within My Walls into a masterpiece. Leah’s graceful sentences embody the gift of language that Bilhah celebrates, with vivid detail forcing you to absorb and be absorbed by an era you’ve never thought about.

While Rocking Horse remains Leah Gebber’s most accessible novel, Within My Walls is layered with captivating plot, compelling emotional turmoil, and thought-provoking ideas: take just what you want, or keep rereading so you catch it all. But it doubles down on the intriguing history and resonance you’ve come to love from Leah’s books and leaves you with a treat for your mind. 

How better to try a new roundtable format than with Within My Walls, a book with so much to talk about? The below discussion does give away some plot details, but steers clear of any major spoilers that might dampen your reading experience. You'll have plenty to discover when you crack open your own copy!

How does Within My Walls compare to Leah’s other books?

Tova: They're all very deep, very rich. I don't remember if she always did this present tense, she definitely did it in the past few books. But this one forced me to think more. I don't know if you had that experience. I felt that simply reading wasn't always enough to be able to get everything.

Faigy: I agree with that. For example, Chains was beautiful, intense, sad, and a sophisticated experience, but I remember it being a little more surface-level. I don't know that there were as many deep messages and underlying themes. Here, you have to think as you're reading much more than some of the other books.

Yitty: I think the walls made some of the difference. Rocking Horse and Map the Starlight also had objects that represented so much more, the rocking horse, violin, and astrolabe. But you didn't realize they were supposed to be representing something until later on, as those objects became intertwined with the plot. In Within My Walls, it’s very explicit that the walls mean something.

Tova: The walls were representing so many things, I couldn’t even keep track of everything. But maybe she didn't even mean to bring across one specific point. Maybe she wanted to show that each character could have their own relationship and experience with walls.

Yitty: I was wondering if the walls are a signpost. Like, here's something to think about. There's something deeper going on than just the plot. Even if in every single instance it's talking about something else. 

There's so much intellectual and emotional depth here. How much pure plot is there for a reader who's just skimming? 

Tova: I think there is a plot. And some of the deeper parts just stare you in the face and you can't avoid them, even if you're just skimming. Although you can't really skim this book. If you just read it, even if you're not thinking deeply, a lot of it is written out, you have to see it. 

Faigy: But on the flip side, when I was reading it as a serial, I gave up 10-15 weeks in. I couldn't follow because I couldn't keep track of all the depth while reading it once a week. I figured I'd wait until it came out as a book to get the whole experience of the build-up and have the chance to pick up on all the small details. So to some extent, I would agree that there's less available if you're reading it quickly without focusing. If you're not getting all the depth, how much plot is left? It's a question.

Yitty: It's almost like the plot itself relies on the depth. You cannot fully understand the plot if you're not getting everything else.

How did your opinion of Leonora change throughout the book? 

Faigy: In the beginning, I probably fell into exactly what the author wanted. I was so taken by Leonora. We’re not used to seeing such strong female characters, especially in this time period. And the way everyone's trailing behind her like puppies, especially her sons, was so refreshing. But once she started having all those interactions with Eliyahu and we saw the comparison, it hit me. It was suddenly so clear after they were fighting about the sheep. Wait one second, maybe her ‘end’ is nice, but the means to the end are all wrong. She's trampling on everyone to get to her goal. So we definitely get that change of perspective about her. 

Tova: It's so funny, Faigy, I had such a different experience than you. From the beginning, I could not figure Leonora out. I was like, what is your problem? Why is your life such a mess? Even at the end, I look back and wonder if Leonora really changed for the better. Maybe a little shift, but I'm still feeling this confusion about her. Leah wrote in the postscript about Leonora being a soul of confusion, and that's how I felt the entire book. She's not straight. 

Faigy: It's so interesting that we both went through it so differently. It makes my experience feel like mine. I started off so taken by Leonora, exactly how the author wanted it to go. 

Tova: But who said she wanted it to go that way? Because I went somewhere else.

Faigy: No, I think you're probably a more discerning reader. Maybe you were reading it with a more detached view of “What are you getting at?”. I started off with a blank slate, like, wow, she’s so cool, and  the author played into that by portraying her from the beginning as a ba’alas chessed. She marched into the town and was right away building the soup kitchen. But she also seems to be doing things the right way, she asked the shailah about taking the house. In the beginning, you don't get the feeling that she's trampling on people, but that they are enamored by her.

Yitty: Leah Gebber asks for skepticism, in a way, because if you know her style, you know that there are 500 layers below anything you're looking at. So as soon as you start reading, you're thinking, Ok, what's this person's problem, how are they conflicted and tortured? It's hard to come to one of her books with a blank slate if you know what her writing is like.

Tova: I just saw her personality, the way that she put her on the page right away, so domineering. Even her first few acts of kindness are done in an almost haughty way. When she speaks to the fathers and thinks that “It is good for them to look up to her”, I was like, what is wrong with you?

Let's talk about the conversion chapter. It's presented as a highlight of the story when you're reading it, but the story is so much bigger than will she or won’t she convert. So what does that whole chapter do for the arc of the story? 

Tova: I think it's proving to Bilha that her words mean something and that she's worth something. She's busy with words all the whole time, but they're everyone else's words. And suddenly her words have value, and following that she has value too.

Faigy: At first, I was looking at the whole back and forth, and it felt so elementary. Will she give in or not? But then I realized that at the beginning of the book, she has no relationship with Hashem, we keep seeing how much she feels abandoned by Him. And then all of a sudden there was something in her that said, I'm not doing this. It can't be that I could just say the words and get away with it. 

Yitty: Throughout the story we have this abandonment thing, she feels like there is no one taking care of her and she's on her own. And maybe this scene is the first time she's helped by Something outside of her. Hashem puts that vision of her mother in her mind, which is what gives her the strength to do it. It's the first time she had anything that wasn't from herself. It was a gift given to her.

It's always fun to get to the afterword at the end and see what Leah Gebber had in mind. How much of the theme of trauma did you pick up on?

Faigy: I definitely picked up on that. Part of what made the book so interesting was the universal theme of trying to  heal after trauma. Everyone in today’s world can relate to the struggle of trauma, loss, or grief. This world, unfortunately, is quite full of it. If you isolate the historical circumstances, you realize that they weren't so unique. 

Tova: Really, I just think that every story could be translated into a term in a therapist's room. 

Yitty: But she's stretching trauma a little far. I wouldn't have thought that all these scenarios could be defined as trauma. Each of them is facing something so different.

Faigy: Isolate each one. Leonora is such a strong, powerful woman, and she still can't get over her past. She has this facade and behind it she really can't cope. There was a line that struck me in the book, where Leonora thinks about the times of Mashiach, when everyone will put away their swords and weapons because there will be peace. And she thinks to herself, who would I be without being armed with my sword, ready to take on the world? Would I even exist as a person? It's all an external part of her, but she relates to that part of her so strongly. And then you get to know her, and she's just a broken soul. All three of them are just broken souls. 

Tova: Did any of you know that the church would take away the babies and then the parents would get them back and they converted? I did not know that.

Do you remember any particular moments that surprised you, made you re-read, or made you emotional?

Tova:  In the beginning, there is such good imagery describing living alone, when the author describes how Eliyahu can't use his voice. I don't think we realize what it means to be alone for so long. Like, no, he hasn't used his voice. At all. Also, I love the part where Bilha’s happy with just a blanket and doesn't need the walls anymore. You just feel her happiness. Something that made me reread a paragraph was how intense Bilha’s hatred for her father was, even at the very end when he became a victim. Another line coming to mind right now is where Yannai ‘closes his eyes and learns the Torah he finds behind his eyelids’. On every page, there’s such beautiful imagery.

Yitty: What comes to mind as being surprising, firstly a metaphor that was so cute, talking about how the body and the soul are kept together in an unhappy union. I laughed out loud at that. Another moment was when Eliyahu wishes he could come home to his house full of children. He comes home, the house is full of children, he's shocked, and Leonora thinks he's upset. And he says, no, I said that I would like to see my house filled with the voices of children, and so it has come to be. You can feel his shock that something good happened to him.

Faigy: A point that jumped at me was when Bilha realized that Hurrem Sultan was trying to exert control over everything so that she could get to a place where her enemy wouldn't kill all her kids. It was about protecting her children, and we can all relate to that. And Bilha was struggling with the opposite feeling of being abandoned; it was such a strong contrast. It's a concept that takes your impression of Hurrem Sultan from an evil lady to a mother trying to protect her children - the opposite of Leonora. 

Yitty: True. But there's also the idea here of the means justifying the end. We feel sympathy for Hurrem Sultan because her ultimate goal is justifiable. But what she was doing to get there was less justifiable.

Faigy: You could say it about Leonora also. Both of them are getting to the end through improper or cruel means, by stepping on other people. They can't see past their goal. 

Faigy: It's not the kind of book you can summarize in two sentences. It was a fantastic book, so well written and such a rich experience. I constantly found myself stopping and marveling at the writing. I kept re-reading paragraphs, whether or not they were defining moments in the story, because the writing was so beautiful or powerful. I couldn't believe someone could bring out ideas through words like that. 

Coming next week - behind the scenes of Within My Walls with Leah Gebber!